As Father's Day approaches, I have been thinking a lot about our Good, Good Father. I'm sure most of you have heard this song by Chris Tomlin. It's one of my favorites and it holds a special place in my heart.
I remember when this song first came out. My family and I were going through a very difficult time in our lives. Not that things have gotten easier but at that time we had to endure the pain of things not going according to the way we wanted them to. The way we thought they should be. Anyone been there?
This song sends me back to one of the first times I heard it. Oscar and I had taken Jacob to a clinic appointment. Celeste decided to go with us because we knew the doctors wanted to give us some not so good news. There was nothing more that the doctors could do to help my son and we were devastated as we drove back home. Feeling drained, helpless, angry, sad, and everything else you can think of we all drove in silence as K-Love played on the radio.
I was sitting in the back seat behind the driver's side trying to hold on to my tears. I didn't want anyone to hear me especially Jacob. He was sitting in the front passenger side as he always did when we all drove together. As I looked outside the window, the song Good, Good Father started to play and I just couldn't hold my tears any longer. I sobbed as quietly as I could, my son turned around to look at me and reached out to touch my knee. All he told me was "It's ok mom". I will never forget that day. Seeing Jacob look at me with his beautiful brown eyes. In the midst of all that was going wrong, Jacob still took the time to comfort me just as our Good, Good Father does each day.
I was listening to the lyrics that day. "You're a good, good father....it's who You are.......it's who You are....and I'm loved by You.... I've seen many searching for answers far and wide.... But I know we're all searching for answers only You provide.....'Cause You know what we need before we say a word... You are perfect in all of Your ways...
Being so broken and feeling like everything was spiraling out of control, He was there letting me know that He loves us and He knows just what we need. He was there with us. Right in the middle of everything that was going on. Sometimes it's difficult to see that but now that I look back through Jacob's journey, I can see Him. He never left us and He is still with us now as we continue on each day.
So I'll leave you with this thought......Sometimes we don't understand why things turn out the way they do----but all we can do is Trust. Continue on no matter how difficult it can be......no matter what is going on........(and believe me I know it's not easy)...... I know I will because at the end of the day no matter how hard it is.......it's all we can do.
Wanted to share this picture of Jacob with his dad and grandfather. Wishing all the father's a Happy Father's Day!
Missing you Jacob! Can't wait until we see each other again!